am i filled with hate

my lungs filled with car exhaust

black black coffee collects in my throat

standing on autumn leaves

in my new brown chelsea boots

i walk through the windblown ghostly streets

i am trying so hard to be a good person

i just opened gmail and typed out an email to you

i know nihilism is obvious and lays underneath everything

but i think nietzsche had it all wrong

because even a nihilist can try to be happy

or at least look like it

i breathed in and slowly typed

:(